... instead I just kept going. There comes a point in life when sometimes it all seems like too much, and its at that point where the will to succeed takes over or the fear of defeat kicks in. It's then when the choice must be made, will you succeed at all costs or fail simply for a lack of trying. I found myself faced with this very decision, and while the easier choice of course would have been to give up, I made the choice that was best for me. I will keep pushing!! It's so amazing how on point Allah ta'ala is, in the moment when He knew I needed encouragement, I received a message of support from my husband, and then a phone call from my big sister which gave me much motivation. Later kind words, encouragement and duas from my sisters in Islam, who don't even know me personally. Some days things are so easy and some days not so much, but one thing I have to remind myself of is that they could be much worse. Besides, who do I think I am that i can't be afflicted with trials? I am no better than the next person, I am not a quitter, I am confident in who I am. I am Zay.
The most irritating question in the world, is when someone asks am I pregnant. Pregnancy is not the answer to everything, I can gain weight, have stomach pains, and eat a lot for a trillion other reasons. So many take pregnancy and child birth for granted because for them it may be, however, for many others its not easy at all. When you actually consider what it takes for a child to be created, how everything must be in perfect harmony at the perfect time, it's literally nothing short of a miracle. A miracle that many pray hard for. Trying to conceive has to be one of the emotionally draining experiences of my life, it takes a lot to process all the different things going on in my body, to remain positive and as stress free as possible and to always keep my faith. Many days I wanna break down and cry, and in the weakest moments where I begin to feel pity and ask "why me?", I ask the more important question, " why not me?" Who am I that I'm too good for trials? I am no better than the next, and more will not be put on me than I can bare, so I must be built for this. It was reported by Sahih Al Bukhari (vol.7, Hadith #5645) The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: "If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts them with trials", this is what I hold on to, this is my trial, good must come of it! Amongst the many things on my schedule this weekend, there was one reoccurring event that definitely wasn't on the menu, hot flashes. They have to be among the top 10 of the most annoying things I've experienced. I mean one minute I'm cool, you know my body temperature is regulated, the next minute I'm having my own private summer. Then of course there's that awkward moment when I ask is anyone else hot and I get crazy stares. Every night I'm tossing and turning, going from under the covers to on top of them because I'm hot and then I'm not. Literally as I've been typing this I've had about 3 hot flashes. These are a not so wonderful side effect of Clomid. Hopefully I get a mature egg out of the deal as well. PK-Post Coital Exam
A post coital exam is done 2-10 hours after intercourse or coitus, hence the name. During this procedure a sample of the cervical mucus is taken to see the effects that it has on the sperm. During the days around ovulation, the mucus contains more water which allows sperm to travel easily to uterus. If the mucus is drier than usually, several factors could be to blame, the use of clomid being one of them. I know it's ironic that a medicine used to help ovulation is also responsible for preventing sperm from reaching the egg. If the mucus is in fact too dry and the sperm isn't motile, your doctor may recommend an IUI. IUI Intrauterine Insemination
Intrauterine insemination, is a procedure in which specially washed sperm is placed, with a catheter, directly into the uterus, therefore by passing the cervical mucus. While a post coital exam is just about tied with a papsmear in regards to the comfort level, an IUI is much more discomforting but if conception achieved then I guess it's well worth the discomfort. Clomid (Clomiphene) Clomiphene, the active ingredient in Clomid, stimulates ovulation, the release of an egg. Clomid generally works in women who produce eggs, but aren't producing sufficient amounts of hormones needed for egg maturation. They aren't able to ovulate because the eggs don't mature enough to be released. Clomid is dispensed in 50mg tablets only, that is the lowest dose. It is taken for 5 days and is started at the beginning of a cycle, usually around day 2 or 3. Ovulation is likely to occur about 5-10 days after the last dose is taken, if this does happen then the Clomid was successful. If you do not get pregnant afterwards, but you did in fact ovulate then the Clomid worked and the dosage was correct, it's job is to stimulate ovulation. If ovulation did not occur, your doctor may prescribe a higher dosage of the Clomid, it is not recommended to try clomid anymore after 3 cycles if ovulation doesn't occur. As with almost all medications there maybe side effects when taking Clomid, medical attention should be immediately sought for any severe and ongoing reactions. I've only ever experienced hot flashes, although they were annoying in the middle of the summer, they went away quickly. Clomid does dehydrate you, so drinking loads of water is key, I've been drinking about 20oz every 2 hours, and spend a lot of my work day in the bathroom. After a successful round of Clomid, comes ovulation and with ovulation comes PK and IUI. Posts coming on those topics
I hope everyone's weekend was a blast, I ate leftovers from my grillfest on Friday, watched movies and stayed under my air because it was scorching outside. My grandmother bought me some of the best Corned Beef and Rye bread I have ever tasted in my life!!! It was so scrumptious and I am no lover of Rye. Throughout the weekend I made Corned Beef hash, a shortrib grilled cheese sandwich on rye, and shortrib fried rice. Now that last dish was the highlight of my weekend, greedy I know, and it must of been tasty because I'm not the only one who tore it up. I will have to post recipes at a later date when I actually pay attention because I freestyled with those dishes, just adding what felt right. Now I'm sitting in the doctors office, blogging while waiting to speak with her, this journey is full of doctors visits and copays, but that's a topic for another day. I also did a little sewing this weekend. I made my outfit I'm wearing today, this morning! I was feeling energized whipping this together in about 2 hours. I thank Allah SWT for blessing me with many gifts and abilities. 9 days ago I decided to share my story, and essentially, share a part of my life. In addition to the humor, and the recipes and small talk, much of what I'm sharing is me. My dreams, my hopes, and some of my struggles, not seeking any recognition but just trying to free myself from being a prisoner in my own mind. This blog means everything to me, because I completely commit myself to each and every word typed on the page. If your reading know that I appreciate you and am humbled that you took the time out to hear my story and even follow my journey. The comments are so encouraging and thoughtful, I read them all, I just don't respond because I don't want my email filled with my responses. 9 days ago I had story that I felt should be told, and as of today my page has had 404 unique visitors & 419 total page views, this is so surreal. The very first person I shared my first post with before it hit this blog responded with this: "I believe. I'm excited to follow your journey! Its such an amazing and inspiring thing." Since then all of the feedback I've been getting just makes it so much easier to share my life each day. You all are amazing for supporting me, thank you so much!!! |
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