Two months of weekly visits, medication, countless tubes of blood, copays, ultrasounds probing away at my insides, 2 inseminations, waiting, hoping , dreaming, crying, feeling every little new thing my body was doing and one painful cyst later. Yet it still wasn't enough. A period for most is a sigh of relief, for me every drop of blood that leaves me takes away a little piece of something that I hoped for, something that I began to want more than the air a breathe. Now every cramp is another sign that it wasn't enough, another sign that its not my time yet. No one will ever understand the tears I shed and the pain I live with. No amount of smiles or jokes could take it away. Living with a body that's wants to do everything except what it was designed for. It's amazing how anxious and excitement can turn into agony and despair in one quick trip to the bathroom. Sometimes no matter how bad you want something, how much you will for it, how hard you pray and dream, it simply isn't enough.
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